Our Great Reward (not my thoughts)

What happens when teachers die?A teacher dies and goes to Heaven. When she gets there, she meets Saint Peter at the pearly white gates.
Saint Peter says to her, "Welcome to Heaven. Let me give you anorientation first."
So, Saint Peter takes her to some beautifulmansions.The teacher asks, "Who lives here in these beautiful houses?"
These are for doctors. They did a lot of good on Earth so they get anice mansion," replied Saint Peter.Saint Peter takes the teacher to some more mansions. These were moremagnificent than the first.
"Wow, who lives here?""These mansions are for social workers. They did a lot of good onEarth but didn't make a lot of money so they get a better house."
Saint Peter took the teacher to some more mansions. These were themost gorgeous homes she had ever seen. They had huge columns,well-manicured lawns, beautiful stained glass windows; the works!
"These are the most beautiful homes I have ever seen," exclaimed theteacher, "who lives here?!"
"Teachers live here." said Saint Peter, "They did much good on Earthand received very little money so they get the best houses in all ofHeaven."
"But where are all of the teachers?" inquired the teacher.
Saint Peter answered, "Oh, they'll be back soon. They're all in Hellat an in-service."

A little humor

Not mine but still pretty funny...only because it's true.

Summary of Life

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge..mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . .. having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . not piddling in your pants.

Money Matters

When trying to help a student with a math problem (20 X 5)..."If I give you 5 20's, how much money will you have?"

From the back of the room...."Duh! 89 dollars!"

The Bucket List

Today I asked my students what would be five items they would include on their "bucket list." After having to explain exactly what that meant here are a couple of the lists:

J.'s list:
Go to japan and help people
Donate to the homeless shelters
Create as many video games as I can
Do not have kids
Get married

A.'s list:
Get a hummer
Get married
See Paris, France
Save money for my funeral
Have kids

M.'s list:
Marry someone I like
Go to England
Move away from my parents
Eat a ton of junk food for a couple of years

B.'s list:
Buy a PSP
Buy a monkey
Visit Ireland
Visit Japan
Train my monkey

Black Friday?

Asking my kids why the day after Thanksgiving was called Black Friday and here are a couple of the responses:

D., a ninth grader, "It's a holiday for Goths? I should know because I am one and I had a pretty good day that day."

G., a ninth grader, "A holiday for black people?"

B., an eighth grader, "Because thousands of people pack the stores and they get bruises from shoving?"