Duh, Mr. B

The other day I ask my students if they would rather have no thumbs or only one hand. All of my students answer that they would rather have no thumbs. They did admit that it would be difficult but that they could still play video games and do some things. When G., a ninth grade boy, got his turn he said, "I'd rather only have one hand." Kinda surprised I asked him, "Why?" He looks at me as if he could not believe that I had to ask...he says, "Duh, Mr. B. You couldn't count to five if you only had four fingers!"

After I caught my breath from laughing I thanked him for his answer.

:-)

Back to PE

Little J., an eigth grader, was finally able to go back to PE after being out with a doctor's note. I said, "Wow, J., you're back with us! Aren't you excited?" In his nervous shaky voice he replied, "Well, if there's something I can't do...well, ummm...then I can't do it."

Phone list

I got this email and though it's technically not teacher related I figured I would put it out there. I do work with students who are diagnosed with a mental illness so these do actually hit home a lot.

Phone list for a mental help hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell You which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, hang up. It doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. But Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss , press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

Little Johnny

This was a forward in an email:

You know, the kid that the teachers are afraid to call on for answers in the class, for fear of what he might say... Well, finally a photo of 'Little Johnny' has surfaced. See if you can find him in the picture on the left! The theme of this picture was, 'Make a funny face'!

Time flies

Today we are in the hallway and one of my students says, "wow, I'm glad tomorrow is Friday."

D., my ninth grader, gets excited and starts pumping his fists in the air. "Tomorrows, Friday? Oh, man, I thought today was only Thursday!"

Ummm....

Lessons Learned

I had a student to come back and visit me the other day. I., is a senior now and had spent two years in his native country of Tonga since leaving me. He told me that he went there with a gangsta attitude and quickly lost it by being beaten almost to death by his family members. He also had to walk over a mile to get a snack (had to climb and cut his own coconuts).

He said that the greatest lesson learned in Tonga was that "If you ain't dead, you're alright."

Impressive email

One of my students emailed all of her teachers to talk about the importance of an education. Perhaps she does not feel totally that way about English. Here is her email:

im sending this to all my teachers i havent been at school almost every monday and im sorry but today im really sick honestly and ive notice i have 2 Fs wich im freaking out about now and i wanna know by next time i come to class if u can give me all the assignments ive missed because honestly i know i need to start going to school everyday and i need to have a good eddication so if u could please id really appreciate that thanks!?

Turning white

Today during art, D., a ninth grade boy, was rubbing the chalk he was using. He looked at his fingers and screams, "I'm turning white." He pauses and looks up...."Ummm, wait; I already am white!"

A letter

Yesterday I got a letter from K., a tenth grader who has moved on to the high school. I had sent him a card at the beginning of the year. So here we are over 2 months later and I get a letter thanking me.

The funny part is that he sent the teacher across the way, John, a letter saying...."In case you don't ask him, I sent Mr. B. a letter so you don't have to bother. Sincerely, K."

30?

Talking about elements in science and to illustrate the number of compounds that could be made I brought up the number of words we have. I told the class, there are 26 letters in the English language. How many words, ballpark, do you think are in the English language.

D., a ninth grade young man, thinks and finally says, "There's about 30."

Dumbfounded I say, "D., how many words do you know in the English language?"

D. looks at me and says, "All of them!"