One liner

J, an eight grader was struggling with his math. I say, "It's pretty tough, huh, J?" He responds, "Yeah, and it ain't too easy either."

the score doesn't matter

We were playing volleyball today and we are trying to teach the students to call out the score before they serve. It is the very first serve of the game and we remind the student, C., a seventh grader to tell the score.

Teacher: The score is 0 serving 0

C. gets ready to serve and then says, "Wait, which one are we?"

The stuff dreams are made of

Upon seeing the faculty/staff performance last Friday, D., my ninth grader, stated, "Mr. B., I don't know if they'll be nightmares or not, but I'll be seeing that in my dreams."

The Pirate Patch

Ever wonder why the pirate wears a patch?

According to the theory of one of my students it is because he needs to keep one eye adjusted to the dark. That way when it gets dark all the pirate has to do is switch the patch over to his other eye and he has one that has already adjusted to the dark.

I ask my student if it wouldn't be just as easy to let both eyes adjust to the dark at the same time. He said that no, it would be better to keep one prepared at all times.

February?????

I always post the date on the upper right hand side of my whiteboard. Today was no different. February 2, 2009 was clearly written on the board. Little W., an 8th grader, says "Mr. B., the date is wrong."

I said, "No, it isn't. I just wrote it this morning."

He started shaking his head..."No it can't be right."

I looked at him..."Well, I'm pretty sure it is."

He was almost distraught. His face wrinkled in a frown..."It can't be...It can't be February. It was January when we left on Friday."

I stifled my smile..."You bet it was, W. It was still January on Saturday too but it turned February on Sunday."

He shook his head..."It can't be."

But I noticed later that he had accepted the fact that time marches on.

Trivia question

Yesterday we were playing a trivia game. The question was: What does the DC stand for in Washington, DC?

After several wrong answers, M., a 7th grade girl, waved her hand in the air and said, "I know it! I know it! Please let me answer."

"Okay, go ahead."

She replies..."Duhh...it stands for democrat!"

The same thing but different

Had a very interesting argument today with one of my students, B. He said he was 6 foot and I said he was 5 foot 12....he would not hear any of it...he kept repeating, "No! I'm 6 foot!"

A sing song

W, a little eighth grader, sang this song today and I thought I would share....

I am a cow, listen to me moo
I am a cow, I'm twice as big as you
I am a cow, I eat green grass
I am a cow, I fart methane gas.


Kinda catchy don't ya think? :-)

Obama Inspired Math

Today in class we watched the swearing in of Obama and then caught a little bit of the parade. I felt a good teaching moment coming on so I asked the students: If Obama is the 44th president, how could this be the 56th parade?

G, my ninth grade boy, "Mr. Butler there are 50 states, right?"

"Yes"

Immediately G responds, "Is it because there are 56 states?"

Ummmm...not quite.

Our Great Reward (not my thoughts)

What happens when teachers die?A teacher dies and goes to Heaven. When she gets there, she meets Saint Peter at the pearly white gates.
Saint Peter says to her, "Welcome to Heaven. Let me give you anorientation first."
So, Saint Peter takes her to some beautifulmansions.The teacher asks, "Who lives here in these beautiful houses?"
These are for doctors. They did a lot of good on Earth so they get anice mansion," replied Saint Peter.Saint Peter takes the teacher to some more mansions. These were moremagnificent than the first.
"Wow, who lives here?""These mansions are for social workers. They did a lot of good onEarth but didn't make a lot of money so they get a better house."
Saint Peter took the teacher to some more mansions. These were themost gorgeous homes she had ever seen. They had huge columns,well-manicured lawns, beautiful stained glass windows; the works!
"These are the most beautiful homes I have ever seen," exclaimed theteacher, "who lives here?!"
"Teachers live here." said Saint Peter, "They did much good on Earthand received very little money so they get the best houses in all ofHeaven."
"But where are all of the teachers?" inquired the teacher.
Saint Peter answered, "Oh, they'll be back soon. They're all in Hellat an in-service."

A little humor

Not mine but still pretty funny...only because it's true.

Summary of Life

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge..mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . .. having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . not piddling in your pants.

Money Matters

When trying to help a student with a math problem (20 X 5)..."If I give you 5 20's, how much money will you have?"

From the back of the room...."Duh! 89 dollars!"

The Bucket List

Today I asked my students what would be five items they would include on their "bucket list." After having to explain exactly what that meant here are a couple of the lists:

J.'s list:
Go to japan and help people
Donate to the homeless shelters
Create as many video games as I can
Do not have kids
Get married

A.'s list:
Get a hummer
Get married
See Paris, France
Save money for my funeral
Have kids

M.'s list:
Marry someone I like
Go to England
Move away from my parents
Eat a ton of junk food for a couple of years

B.'s list:
Buy a PSP
Buy a monkey
Visit Ireland
Visit Japan
Train my monkey

Black Friday?

Asking my kids why the day after Thanksgiving was called Black Friday and here are a couple of the responses:

D., a ninth grader, "It's a holiday for Goths? I should know because I am one and I had a pretty good day that day."

G., a ninth grader, "A holiday for black people?"

B., an eighth grader, "Because thousands of people pack the stores and they get bruises from shoving?"

Duh, Mr. B

The other day I ask my students if they would rather have no thumbs or only one hand. All of my students answer that they would rather have no thumbs. They did admit that it would be difficult but that they could still play video games and do some things. When G., a ninth grade boy, got his turn he said, "I'd rather only have one hand." Kinda surprised I asked him, "Why?" He looks at me as if he could not believe that I had to ask...he says, "Duh, Mr. B. You couldn't count to five if you only had four fingers!"

After I caught my breath from laughing I thanked him for his answer.

:-)

Back to PE

Little J., an eigth grader, was finally able to go back to PE after being out with a doctor's note. I said, "Wow, J., you're back with us! Aren't you excited?" In his nervous shaky voice he replied, "Well, if there's something I can't do...well, ummm...then I can't do it."

Phone list

I got this email and though it's technically not teacher related I figured I would put it out there. I do work with students who are diagnosed with a mental illness so these do actually hit home a lot.

Phone list for a mental help hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell You which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, hang up. It doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. But Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss , press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

Little Johnny

This was a forward in an email:

You know, the kid that the teachers are afraid to call on for answers in the class, for fear of what he might say... Well, finally a photo of 'Little Johnny' has surfaced. See if you can find him in the picture on the left! The theme of this picture was, 'Make a funny face'!

Time flies

Today we are in the hallway and one of my students says, "wow, I'm glad tomorrow is Friday."

D., my ninth grader, gets excited and starts pumping his fists in the air. "Tomorrows, Friday? Oh, man, I thought today was only Thursday!"

Ummm....

Lessons Learned

I had a student to come back and visit me the other day. I., is a senior now and had spent two years in his native country of Tonga since leaving me. He told me that he went there with a gangsta attitude and quickly lost it by being beaten almost to death by his family members. He also had to walk over a mile to get a snack (had to climb and cut his own coconuts).

He said that the greatest lesson learned in Tonga was that "If you ain't dead, you're alright."